I had, and it took me, FOREVER to, finally, do it too!
Surviving you, I finally did, and, that was that, nothing more to say about what’d happened to me, there’s just, no need, for that, constantly looking back to that specific moment in time for me anymore.
Surviving you, I already did, and, you will, NEVER, survive me (the shoe’s on the other foot, how does THAT feel, huh???). Surviving you, it was, hard, living in, the muted cries, as I was, muffled up, from speaking, and everybody around me called me a LIAR, told me to, STOP saying things that weren’t, true, but, you did, ATTACK me. You’d, touched my “pee-pee” (that’s what you’d called my genitalia, remember???), and, every weekend I’d gone back to see you, you’d, used the excuse of helping me heal, and, because the ointment you’d rubbed onto my genitals actually reduced the burn and the redness, I believed, that you could, heal me (when later in psyc 4361, believe that the course number was: Abnormal Child Psychology, I’d learned what you did to me was Munchausen by Proxy, it didn’t click back when I took that course, because I had NO memories of how you’d, MOLESTED me!)
Surviving you, I already did, you’re, already DEAD, and from what I’d heard (b/c I wasn’t, present physically, to WATCH you D-I-E!), you’d, suffered, at the, very end, lost ALL that you’d ever cared about: your external appearance, you’d, SUFFERED, until the final breath (which was, a good thing!). Surviving you, I did, and, I won’t need to, get back into, that survival mode which I used to live under in my childhood years anymore.
Surviving you, and now I’m done, and, let’s see, how you will be able to, survive ME! You won’t be able to, not like I already, H-A-D, and, thank you, for the, ABUSE and NEGLECT!
See, says WHO I am, an “ingrate” (thanks, you MORON, and no offense, you KNOW who I’m talking about!), I’m still, more than, grateful toward, ALL who’d ever, done me, W-R-O-N-G in this, life, thus far…
What the FUCK (don’t pardon me here), and this is how these, SEXUAL PREDATORS still, get off easy, with nothing MORE than, that, SLAP of the, WRIST here! The punishment still NOWHERE fits the crime, once again, and yet, that’s what the judge ruled…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…
A woman in Tainan in her twenties, due to her father dying young, her mother being, physically, handicapped, the neighbor, an older male, Sun, although he’d cared for the mother-daughter pair, however, in her years of elementary and middle school, he’d touched her on her breasts, and her pubic area, and the young woman told her aunt about it, that was when everything got out into the open. The judge based off of the frequencies of how the man molested the girl once a week, and found him responsible for 218 counts of molesting an underage minor, 104 counts of molesting a female of under sixteen, and because Sun showed no remorse, he was sentenced to serve a total of four years ten months.
The verdict stated, that since the girl was born, Sun lived next door, because the victim’s father fell ill and died young, her mother was physically handicapped, and relied on the social workers to care for her, the older male showed a ton of care and concern for the mother-daughter pair, and gave them the resources they needed to live off of.
And yet, stared in September of 2013 to 2019, the man had, once a week, during his time with the young woman alone, in the factory, or in her living room, touched her breasts, or put his hands in her pants to molest her pubic area, had molested the adolescent girl a total of 218 times, and during the time when the girl was between fourteen and sixteen years of age, he’d molested her, another, 104 times.
The woman later told her aunt, accused Sun of touching her breasts, her aunt to her to the hospital to get her sexual molestation injuries documented, but Sun denied the accusations. Sun’s attorney stated, that for seven whole years, she’d not told anyone, and had been sighted to go in and out of Sun’s home through the years, that this wasn’t, not, logically sound.
The woman told, that started in her third grade, she’d gone out strolling with Sun, she would ride her bike to a more secluded lace, and Sun would sit behind her on her bicycle, and put his hand into her pants to touch her pubic area, and she was molested in the same way in her own living room, or in the factory owned and operated by Sun too.
The Tainan District Court asked the Chenggong University to give the woman a physical examination, and as the woman learned that it would be a male physician who will be examining her, she’d started twisting her fingers, and other nervous behaviors, the courts believed, that her behaviors are fitted to the posttraumatic stress symptoms, the delayed onset, and, they’d found, that the cause of her response, was directly related to her having been sexually assaulted and molested by the man.
So, the story of, another, DIRTY old MAN, he’d, taken advantage of the mother, seeing how she’s single, and needed the money, and took the child into HIS, pants, and, he’d, molested her, weekly too, in her, younger years, until the victims finally realized that this isn’t right, and told her aunt about it, and the reason why the woman kept her mouth shut for seven whole years, is because, during the time when this SHIT started happening, she was still too young to comprehend what had happened to her, body, and it was NOT until she’d gained her awareness of her own body, did she finally, realize that this WAS, wrong, and, she’s diagnosed with the delayed onset of posttraumatic stress disorder, and this SEX predator deserved to get sent into prison, and ROT and DIE there.
Can you imagine, getting molested a total of three HUNDRED TWENTY-TWO times in seven whole years, continually? And how she had, survived???
How can the adults just, stop him from dreaming up of, all the wonderful things he is capable of becoming??? But they still, do…the column by Jimmi Liao, translated by me…
It Only Takes One Single Twig, to
Pop His Dreams
To Break Them.
But, How Could You
the artwork of Jimmi Liao, courtesy of UDN.com
Ask Him, to Give Them All Up?
Didn’t We All, Try & Find the
Short-Lived Fantasies to Help Us
Through Our Own, Harder Times in Life Too?
And so, there goes, yet, another dreams, popped, by his, adult counterparts, because their dreams were, popped to broken by their own adults from before them, and, this kid grows up, without his ability to dream up of grander things he is possible of having, he’s possible of, achieving in his, life…
The assaults on childhood, nobody knows about, because back then, all things evil that’s occurred in the darkness, had been, brushed aside, ignored, not told, to another soul about, hushed up, silenced……………
photo from online
children being, silenced…photo from online
The assaults on childhood, nobody noted, because, nobody gave a flying FUCK about us! And therefore, we shall, suffer, eternally, until the DAY that we all, D-I-E! The assaults on childhood, how could NOBODY figure this shit out, huh? It’s that obvious, when those children came to school, with the bruising on their arms, and legs, and how they started having those, nightmares that attacked them, at naptime at school. But these signs, are easily, amiss, because the adults aren’t paying enough attention.
The assaults on childhood, how could you have let it gone on this long, huh? What sort of a parent are you? WHAT kind of a bad child ARE you? For, getting yourselves, abused like that, huh? It must’ve been something you’d done, to anger the person, that’s driven her/him, to abuse!
And the assaults on childhood, will keep on, continuing on, and on, and on, getting passed down from one generation, to the next, and the next, and the next (to infinity, AND, beyond, as in the words of Mr. B. Lightyear!)
And there’s, nothing we can do about it, because we simply, could, care-LESS!
As the body got violated, the mind displaced, it self, found its escapes, by going, out of, bounds, leaving the body to torture, which is precisely why, the mind does NOT recall, any of the incidences of getting violated, but the body does!
As the body got violated, the mind displaced, itself, found its, getaway, it’s, escape from the reality of what really, happened to its equal “parts”: the body. As the body got violated, the mind can’t recall what had happened, it’s all a blur, and so, the individual experiences that, split, and once this split happens, the person became, fragmented, no longer, “whole”.
As the body got violated, that was, a long, long, long time ago, the mind had, displaced itself then, and, with the years that added on top, the mind slowly, drifted, back into the body, and slowly, started learning to, cope with what exactly, happened to its, counterpart, the body.
And finally, it’d admitted, that the body WAS, and had been, left broken by someone in the individual’s, younger years.
Then, the healing process had, finally, started happening, and there’s, still, a very long way to go from here, and it will be, too hard to bear, as those, memories of our, FUCKED up childhood of rape, of molestation, incest, etc., etc., etc., came back into, our separate, but equal, awareness here.
Memories of, the childhood years, encounters we couldn’t, quite make sense then…translated…
Monkey was my first-grade classmate, sitting next to me in class. She actually has a very beautiful name, “Mei-Shue”, but, because she was born in the year of the monkey, and very tiny, thin when she was born, her grandmother said, “she looks just like a baby monkey”, then, monkey became, a nickname for her, as she started school, the nickname stayed with her.
Monkey would wear pretty clothes to school, wit her hair in a bun, with the beaded accessories, like how those princesses in the comics, unlike the rest of us girls, with the cut to ear-length hair, with the hand-me-downs. And, she’d often pulled out the snacks, to treat everybody, which caused everybody to circle around her during the time between the classes. Monkey told us, “in my mother’s shop, there are, tons of snacks, peanuts, and what-not, I’ll take you guys there, and, there’s, a huge open sleeping space, paved with the straw mats, it would be fine if we all, run around over it!”, Ling-Ge, Huei, and I heard, and our eyes popped, wide open, can’t wait to go visit her home.
what these tea shops are…
a whore house…photo from online
The lower grades all had half days in school, one day at noon when school let out, Monkey took the three of us to her mother’s shop, inside an alley of the Fuxing Road in Minghsiung, it was a Japanese style building, and surely enough, the floors were paved with the straw mats, with the paper doors separating the rooms, Monkey told us we needed to take our shoes off before we enter. After we entered, all the rooms had a short table, the three of us looked around, can’t tell what the “shop” sold, why is it so quiet, and nobody’s coming?
Monkey grabbed a handful of peanuts, the watermelon seeds, spread it on the tables, the four of us started tumbling around on the straw mats, jumping the jump ropes we’d made from the rubber bands. As we felt hungry, we’d, eaten a few watermelon seeds, Monkey also taught us, to throw the peanuts in the air, then, catch them with our mouths, to see who gets in the most.
Suddenly came the loud screams of anger from behind us, “SHIT! Monkey, where did you find all these kids, you can’t do that! Quickly you all, go home!”, it was Monkey’s grandmother who’d screamed at us, the three of us, young girls, started running off, at the sound of her shouts, and, didn’t pay attention to Monkey who’d cried aloud to us, “hey, it’s okay, come back to play some other time!”
Running as we had, I’d not understood what I’d done wrong, why did her grandmother chase us all away, unlike how when we gone to other children’s homes to visit, their grandmothers would be nice, and telling us, “You come by again!” as I arrived home, I’d told my mother, because I wanted some comforting, but as she’d heard that I’d gone to play at Monkey’s mother’s shop, she’d started whipping me, and cussed at me, “Did I starve you! For a few peanuts, watermelon seeds, you’d gone to play in that sort of a place, what is so good about that place!”, and, after the beating, whenever I saw Monkey, I’d started, shivering, as if, I was, seeing my mother, angered, with the whip in her hand, coming towards me.
Later on, I’d learned, that the “tea shops” were a bad place, a lot of the dads of the local children squandered their earnings away inside, causing the moms at home to not have enough money for the foods to feed to their young. I’d not dared asked my own mother, “did dad frequent there too?” but back then, my parents would take my youngest brother and I to the theatres to see the movies in Minghsiung, so I’m guess, that he’d not, frequented the teashops!
And so, this, is how young you were, not known, that you’d, walked, RIGHT into a brothel that your friend’s mother was operating, and, surely enough, as your mother found out, she’d, beaten the CRAP out of you, because she did NOT want those bad influences on you, and, it’d worked, because you were young, and, you’d, associated the beating with going to your friend’s home…
The body says, “YES”, the mind says, “NO!”, and that, is how we all get, slaughtered, isn’t it??? The body gets, aroused, with the various kinds of, touches, strokes, pats, etc., etc., etc., while in our minds, we felt it was, not supposed to happen like that…
The body says “yes”, the mind says, “NO!”, and yet, there’s, nothing the mind CAN do, to prevent us, from getting, patted down by an adult that we put our trusts in, is there? Nope, as they’re, bigger, and we are, too tiny (in age and form, etc., etc., etc.) to FIGHT back, besides, nobody ever, TAUGHT us, what sort of touches are proper, and what kinds, aren’t, so we couldn’t, know, better, but our minds, noted, how it wasn’t, supposed to, happen like that!
what we’re, told to do, when things like this, happens…illustration found online
And so, our minds started, splitting from our bodies, to help us all, survive. The body says “yes”, it loved that feeling of, getting aroused, because that, is how the body works, completely, CARNAL. While, unfortunately, our minds, are, a whole lot more, complicated than that, they (our minds!), interpret what’s happening to our bodies, and, decipher that feeling of arousal as right or wrong, and in the process, we, split!
And, there’s, NO way we can, get our bodies, and our minds, on that, same page again, after the bodies says “yes!”, and the mind says, “no!”…………
Desperate, for her father to, express his love toward her…
When the ONLY way to get her father to express his “love” for her was being his, “secret” little “friend”, it’d, started, from when she was way too, innocent, way too young, to know better, and all she’d wanted, was her father to, give her more of his, undivided, attention, because he’d, longed for his love and affection.
When the ONLY way to get her father to express his “love” for her was being his, “secret” little “friend”, she got sick, and the school called her father (b/c her mother was away on a business trip, otherwise, the school would’ve, called her first!), to pick her up, and, she took the cold meds, and fell, into, a drowsy state of, sleep, and, when she awoke, she’d found herself in a darkened room, her parents’, master bedroom.
“Tell NO one, especially your mother!” Photo from online
Then, she’d felt, her father’s hand, inside her shirt, and, moving down, into, her panties. Something deep inside of her started sounding that alarm, but, she couldn’t, defeat, that sense of pleasure that she’d felt, from being, aroused by him, and started to moan and groan, softly…
That was the very, first time, she had a “secret” with her daddy, and, after her father was done, he’d, taken her to get ice cream, and, took her to that department store with that toy she’d, always wanted to have, but couldn’t get before, because her mother wouldn’t allow her to have it!
in lace, her daddy’s, favorite…photo from online
When the only way for her father to express his love for her was being his, “little secret”, then, she became, his, dirty little, secret, because as little girls, we all, longed for our fathers to pay attention to us, and, we will, do whatever it takes, to get that attention, from our own, “daddy dearests”…
There’s, darkness, hiding, in her, closet, she’d, locked in, since…………how many years ago was that again? Oh, since her mama left, and her daddy needed his “relief”.
Darkness, hiding, in her, closet, she’d, allowed it, to consume her, she’d, switched out her childhood colors of the brights, the reds, the greens, the yellows, the blues, the purples, the oranges too, and, replaced them all, with that, Gothic style she’d found, to be, more comfortable in now.
like this…
photo from online
Darkness, hiding, in her, closet, there’s, NO way she’ll, let it out, she’d, kept all of those, childhood nightmares, those secrets she was, made to keep, locked, padded down, inside that closet of hers…
Darkness, hiding, in her, closet, there’s, no way of, letting them out now, it’s, too late, her closet became, this, vortex, this, abyss, that she still, feeds all her darkness into. And soon, the darkness will, no longer be, satisfied, just, hiding, in her closet, and they would, demand to get, let out, more and more!
and, as the darkness escaped, and got onto her…
photo from online
Darkness, hiding, in her, closet, that, is where it’ll, always be, at the, bottom of the sock drawers, right by the, backboards, never to, see the light again…
The SIGNS that all you, @#%&ING (so???) parents still, MISSED! Off of the Front Page Sections, translated…
The counselor of a certain foundation on the northern parts, Hsiao, was accused of telling a young boy to shower with her, to not close the doors when he showered, forced him to take his photos nude, and, as she was taken in, she’d called up her friends, relatives and families, to help her get rid of the evidences. The Taipei D.A.’s Offices had found eight know young boy who were victims, the youngest was only seven years ago, yesterday, she was charged with exploitation of children and young adults, and asked the courts for a severe punishment; and another investigation was set into motion on how she’d asked her friends and parents to destroy the evidence.
Hsiao is almost 5’6, in her thirties, weighed over two hundred pounds, works in a certain social welfare organization. In October of 2019, a young boy who was victimized disclosed what happened to him in a gender equality education class, and the workers of the facility were all under suspicion, and the parents notified the authorities.
and no, not as, innocent, as this, I’m afraid…
photo from online
The social services notified the police, on November 21st of last year, the D.A.’s office asked the courts to have Hsiao in custody and the courts allowed it. As Hsiao was in the station seeing her attorney, she’d passed the words to her families, “keep all the abnormal things in the house lock up”. Later, Hsiao’s boyfriend stashed the hard drive, the parents stashed the laptop, the cell phone, inside the tea kettles, under the bed, and as the police went to search her home a second time, they’d found all the items, and confiscated six photos of the young boy, Chang.
The district attorneys found, that in June of 2015, Hsiao demanded four young boys to bath together, and she’d, barged into the bathrooms, took the shots of the children naked, the boys were shocked, not knowing what to do. In July of 2016, Hsiao again, demanded five young boys to bathe together, and told them they can’t close the doors, while she sat by the door, counting the photographs. Several days after that, she’d demanded three young boys bathe together, and shot their pictures with her cell phone.
Hsiao denied the accusations, told the officers that it was to document the children’s lives, that the children had asked her to take the shots, that she’d only, done it once. The D.A. already called in the coworkers, who’d told, that Hsiao told them, that the boys are too young, with large penises, that she was curious of the way they’d looked, that was why she’d taken shots of them. While the boys testified, that because the teacher demanded, that’s why they all bathed together, and denied having asked her to take their pictures.
The district attorneys found that the accusations from the young children to be proven true, and claimed that when they were playing, Hsiao had shown them the photographs of other children naked, and believed the words of the young children, the prosecution interrogations ended yesterday, considering how she’d not mentioned of how to make amends, that she’d still tried covering up, and told her close relatives to get rid of the evidence, that she had an awful attitude, suggested that the judge pass a heavy sentence on her.
And this, is how a sexual predator masked herself up as a person who works close to children, and that still just showed, how sexual predators come in all shapes, and sizes too, and this could’ve been avoided, all these young children, spared, had they’d told their adult counterparts who cared for them sooner.
The Ivory Tower of My Mind 