Mom Doesn’t Want to Celebrate Her Birthday

Now that you’re kids had one birthday for you, they’d, wanted me, because that meant they can have an extra cake of a year, and you must, comply to that, because, as mothers, that’s, what’s, requested and required of us, women, to keep our kids and families, happy…translated…

When I purchased the loaves, I’d glanced over into the cake display, to search for my inspirations for my families’ birthdays.  Although, I was always the one, ordering up the cakes for everybody’s birthdays, I don’t have the rituals of celebrating my own birthday, and normally, I got the reminder of it’s my birthday, as I’d, lifted up my head, and glanced over to the calendars, “oh, today’s my birthday!”, to the point of not really, remembering, WHEN exactly was, my birthday, and I’d had to, check my national identification card to be absolutely, certain.  Decades had, flown by, and, not making anything special from my own birthday became, a sort of, something ritualistic, like I’d, grown strong, steady, quietly in the, passing of, time.

And yet, me, who doesn’t pay any attention to my own birthday, I’d, gotten real enthusiastic over my husband’s.  Three weeks before the date, he would start, planning which cake from which bakery he was ordering—certainly his favorite, chocolate, and the whipped cream over the cake has to be, light, the fruits on it, fresh, that way, it wouldn’t, bust his expectations for the, entire, year.  Not only does he pay this much attention to his own birthday, to everybody’s as well.  On the morning of mine, he’d, given me a huge hug, and wished me happy birthday, and, set the memo as reminder to order a cake, and when the time comes, he’d, reminded me to not forget to pick it up.  The kids, were infected by their father’s attitude, and were all filled with the expectancies for their own birthdays, and I would, make the collages, the presentations for my own young on their birthdays, or plan a trip on their birthday that we can all go on together.

just NOT quite, up to it…and it’s still NOT because there’s nobody to share the joys with…photo from online

And the time pushes toward my birthday, and, suddenly, my husband proposed, to help me celebrate it this year.  My objections, fruitless, and still, on my birthday, a cake on the tables, the kids were gleeful, as they, ate their, fourth birthday cake of, this year, and started ranting on how they will, celebrate my birthday every year from here on out, I’d felt, a mixture of feelings, don’t know if I should feel bad, about my own freedoms of not celebrating my own birthday by the years, or, to be moved by my kids’ thoughts, for wanting to celebrate my birthday?

My daughter asked me, “mom, this is your very first birthday, are you happy about it?”, I’d told her honestly, “it’d felt, weird………”, my son, with his mouth full of cake, added in, “you’re just not used to it, if you have a celebration every year, then you would not feel, so, awkward!”

At this very moment, I’d, suddenly felt, that my birthday was, no longer, “mine”, that it was, for “mom”.  On “my” birthday, I get to do whatever I wanted, but on “mom’s” birthday, I’d had to, have a form of celebration that fitted to my families’, expectations.  I sat silent before the tables, swallowed the cake in silence, like how I’d, swallowed my own sense of the self in pieces, to the point, of not tasting anything.

So, this would be the year, that you’d, lost the right to choose how you want to, celebrate your own birthday, you’d gotten used to it being, just any other day of the year, until, this year, a grand celebration came for you, and, the kids loved it, and, because you’re a mother, you had to, give up on your own wishes, and, make your kids, happy.

The sacrifices demanded of us all, for our own, families here…

Four Years in Childrearing, I’d Grown Up, More than, Four Years

The thoughts of a stay-at-home dad, on paternity leave, a good example of what “being present” in his children’s lives should, be, translated…

At the End of 2020, My Career as a Stay-at-Home Dad Officially Began, and I Was, Put through a SERIES of Shock……………

“Over there!”, baby Yun in the stroller pointed toward the front.  “Okay”, I’d, followed his orders, pushed him there.  It’s a little past eight in the morn right now, the time for baby Yun to be let out.  His older brother, Fly just got sent off to school, I’d pushed him along, started, wandering around the nearby university grounds.  And, time flew by, I’d been a stay-at-home dad for four years.  This means of life will continue, until my younger son, Yuh starts preschool.

illustration from UDN.com

Before I became a father, I’m a mama’s boy who can’t even clean my own bowls by washing, who can’t, even, do my own, laundry, a mama’s boy.  “If your older brother can’t find a wife in his future, you need to, take care of him”, my mother once half-jokingly told my younger sister from before.  That was close to thirty years ago, the importance of men outweighed women’s is the norm of society then.  At the moment, although it’d felt a bit, weird, but, I’d, accepted it as natural, didn’t rebut.  Later, I still got, “picked up” and taken away by my wife, my mother’s prophecy did NOT fulfill itself, and I’m certain, that my younger sister was also, relieved.

After we wed, everything, cooking, cleaning the house, my wife took over, after my firstborn, Fly, I’d decided to, change completely—as my wife finished her maternity leave, I’d, taken over the care of my son.  Other than wanting to spend more time to accompany him growing up, in my beliefs, the father and the mother meant, the equal basis of the divisions of tasks, and, childrearing is the shared responsibilities of both the husband and the wife.  “Mom wakes early sweep the home, dad wakes early to read”, this old age sexist belief, no longer valid, besides, men don’t need to go through the labor pains of childbirth, we should, really, shoulder more in the upbringing of our own, children.  And thus, at the end of 2020, the work responsibilities of me, as a first time nursing daddy started, and I’d, undergone, a whole lot of shocking learning.  In the days of caring for my young, I’d learned as I’d gone, from changing the diapers, making the formulas, feeding, washing my son’s butt, rocking him to sleep, all of these, basics, it’d taken me, a whole lot, to finally master.  I’d once, put my son’s diaper on backwards, didn’t wash his buttocks clean, causing him to develop a rash, and there were, many more examples of these sorts of things, thankful though, I’d become, more and more skilled at it, taking my son out, it’s a test of my, stamina, from Fly to Yun, the two boys were totally energetic, they can run from morning to noon, run a whole lap around the track, still not feeling any, fatigue.  In raising my two sons for close to four whole years, I’d, grown up, more than four years, whether it be taking care of my own living, and others, I’d, made, great, strides.

the participation of the father in childrearing…photo from online

“Bong-long-Cha!”, at this time, Yun pointed to the building at school, I knew he was saying, that that is, “someone else’s house”.  I’d taken him out of the stroller, locked the wheels of the stroller tight, led him toward the lawn where many were, gathering for their, picnics, watching how light his steps ere, I’d thought, I only needed to, be a guide to him, allowed him to explore this world, and as he’s about to trip and fall, just, catch him.  Thinking on it, my children had, taught me, a whole lot, I’d caught up with him now, as our shadows collided and combined, who, is the father?

So, this is on learning from your children, they do, have a lot to teach us, adults, and, having children gives us a chance, to not repeat the same mistakes our parents had made with us, on them, and yet, not very many of us, children who were raised wrong by our, adult counterparts are aware enough of how we’d been treated was wrong, and we still, pass the SHITTY vicious cycle, but not this man, he’d loved his work of staying at home, caring for his own young son, and by participating in his young son’s early years, he’d left that sturdy impression of a good father in his young children’s, minds.

A Dilemma in Motherhood

A mother, caught in the dilemmas of watching her son grow up, of knowing, that he won’t need her as much, the need to, hold onto him a little longer, that, was why she’s caught between, knowing she SHOULD make him do things himself, but still, does it for her own, young…translated…

In Becoming a Full-Time Mother for Many Years Now, I’d Found, that My Biggest Blindspot was Treating “Things that are My Child’s Responsibilities” as My “Responsibilities………

With my son growing older, I’d come face to face with the very first, career crises of my entire working means as a full-time mother—it’s not the struggles between “not being needed”, that sense of loss, but its the, switching from the current state of “being needed too much”.

My sense of crisis came, from the tying of a shoelace; thinking on that now, maybe, it’s the, butterfly effect of the childrearing realm.

At the beginning of last year, I took my son to get a pair of sweat pants, as the little guy tried it on, he was, more than satisfied with the pants, but, as I’d bought it for him, he’d, not worn it enough times.  As I’d asked him why he’d not worn the pants enough times, he’d told me it was because of the string that he had to tie into a bow, that keeps his pants from at his waistline, “every time I’d gone, I’d have to, tie it again, but I can’t do the lace right, I don’t want to bother myself with that anymore.”, as I’d heard, I was shocked, then, I’d recalled that line of “how things all started small  before it snowballs into something major”.  The master teaches us, that if we can’t master our own lives, we can’t, help others with their lives either.

illustration from UDN.com

Seeing how my son is going into the fourth grade, but still refused to grow up, wanting to rely on his mother, and blackmailed, that if I don’t tie it for him, he won’t wear that pair of pants (only this particular pair of sweatpants), and everything else that came, it’d forced me to, see his, “severe reliance” on his mother, that the source of this big problem, is actually, me.

After, as he was trying on the sweats, I’d, already, subconsciously, tied the bow for him, not allowed him to tie it himself, and, not noted, that this was, improper of me in anyway after this.

I’d found, that my biggest, blind spot in childrearing for all these years, was that I’d, “accidentally treated” all of my child’s issues as my own, plus, it’d become, reflex for me to do everything for him, before he’d gone to manage his own affairs, I’d already, done it all, for him already, including what should’ve originally been, his own, responsibilities to manage.

I didn’t do it on purpose, it’s just, that I’d gotten, used to doing it, that it was a subconscious sort of, responsibility, and I’d, unknowingly, taken away the chances for him to learn it on his own, which translated into how he couldn’t, tie a lace right.  That was when it’d hit me, that a complete sort of a love, is in the restricted means.  Providing a comfortable environment, it’s not that hard for a mother; the biggest challenges are in how to set up a fitting space, to guide a child to find all of her/his own, potentials.

Letting go, always harder than just taking over to manage it.  So, from that day on, I’d, intentionally, let my son, “do it himself” more.  I’d become, like a snail that is too hurried, wanted to get ahead, but, had to crawl along, very, slowly, and so, I can, only, grit my teeth, and, crawl slowly.  Of course, I’d still, gotten into the mind of, speeding ahead too quickly, like as he was washing his hands, there were still, the soap bubbles on his fingers, I’d instinctively, cleared off the bubbles off his hand, and I got, objected, “I’m old enough to do it myself!”

And, seeing his childish means, mixed in with the adult sort of “my hands”, I’d felt, a bit, funny, yet, quite, relieved.

Thankfully, in the fourth grade, he’d, already, learned to tie the laces now (I’d never imagined, that a pair of sweat pans at $399, exceeded its, values).

But, with that said, early in the morn on the first day of school, told me he didn’t want to change into his school clothes, I’d still, gone soft, and changed him out of his pajamas for him—those things he should’ve learned, I needed to remind myself, to LET him do it, as for what he can already do on his own, then, I shall help him do from time to time then.

Because, one of these days, he won’t, need me, anymore.

So, this is a mother, caught between, holding on and letting go, she knew that she should, let her son start doing things on his own, but she didn’t want to let go of him yet, because, she wanted to enjoy her role as his mother, as the one he comes to, for all of his issues big and small in life and in school, and, that would be, the struggles of this mother in allowing, watching her own young son grow, older.  But I’m still, against parents, handling EVERYTHING for their own young, I mean, IF you do everything for your child, then, how the HELL is s/he going to learn, to do things for her/himself, how the HELL will the child, learn, that it’s MY responsibilities to do this and that, and mommy and daddy won’t cover me for life?  So, do let go of your children, teach them responsibilities, but you can still, do things for them, from time to time, just not all the time!

Her Son Was Tortured & Murdered by IS, She Saw the Primary Suspect & Asked Him to Return His Body to the Family

How this woman, is so very, courageous, to FACE one of the perpetrators who’d BEHEADED her son, to find out where his son’s, death, this is, the adverse effect, left over from the, wars, and the son was an independent reporter, he wasn’t even a soldier, fighting in the war!  Innocents who still get killed by these, wars of, ideologies, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The terrorist group IS in 2014, publicized the beheading of the American independent reporter, James Foley, the image can’t be erased out of the minds who’d watched the, footage.  And, most people probably can’t imagine, how Foley’s mother, Diane watched her son go and chase his own dreams, and bore witness to how he was, murdered so brutally.  Recently, Diane published a book, describing the process of her turning her pains and trials of losing her own son, into mercy and forgiveness, including how she worked up the courage, to meet the primary suspect of her son’s murder from IS, and asked about where her son’s, body was.

During Thanksgiving of 2012, Foley was kidnapped by IS.  on August 19, 2014, Diana was notified by someone, sobbing on the other end of the line, and, several minutes later, her and her family learned of Foley’s public beheading by IS.  In an orange jumpsuit, Foley was on his, knees, an executioner with his face covered, dressed in black, beheaded, him, and the footage went viral on the internet.

the woman’s confronting the man wh’d murdered her son, from YouTube

Toward how his son was murdered, not knowing where his body was, Diana had set up Foley’s funeral, and, placed all of his belongings in her office in the clinic where she worked, the place became a shrine for her son, with Foley’s photos, and awards.  Following, there were the supporters who’d contacted and privately message Diane on FB, sharing the actions of Foley with her, which led Diane to discover the sides of her son she never, knew.

Many years later, other than feeling the loss, the pains of their son, the family also felt anguish over the whole, situation, not just toward the terrorists who’d murdered her son, but also how the U.S. government didn’t do anything.

A primary suspect of Foley’s murder, Kotey was arrested later, and, as a part of his plea deal, he’d agreed to meet the family of the man he’d, murdered, that was, an arrangement that’s not, ordinary or of the norm, but Diane was more than glad to meet up with the man who’d, had a hand in murdering her, son.

A mother’s cause is seen here, to ask to meet one of the man who’d, MURDERED her son, to find out where his body is, to finally lay her son to rest, to get the closure her and her family needed, because she wanted to lay her son to rest, that was why she was, willing to, go and meet up with the men who’d, murdered her child.  This takes, enormous, amount of, courage to do, I mean, can you imagine, going to meet someone who’d, murdered your child, and NOT try and kill the person?  Imagine how the woman, must’ve, worked through her loss, her anger of how her son was murdered so, brutally, to be able to do this.

When the Incidents of Bullying Already Happened, then the Schools Tried to Teach the Students the Right Ways to Interact with Each Other, it Would be Too Late

When is discipline discipline, and when will it be, abuse, and, how do we train our young to abide by the rules, in this day and age of, ZERO physical punishment?  That is, the hardest thing that parents are learning right now…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Awhile ago, a technical high school in Hualien had a bullying case that made the news, a bully started smacking and slapping another student around, there was no other adults around, only the bystander students with their cell phone, taping, watching, with no one dare stopping the bully.

There’d been an influx of school bullying, it’d shown that the adolescents are straying, that their bad behaviors are becoming, more and more, socialized, this is “moblike”.  And although, there were those who are against this sort of a label for teens, but, the gangs had infiltrated into the schools, the adolescents are getting more and more violent, this is, a fact currently.

back when this was still the way…from online

The instructors, due to the zero physical punishment policy, they’d become, timid in setting the misbehaving students right, which added to the increasing cases of bullying in school; by the same; due to the restrictions of the children and adolescent welfare laws, they’d not dared implore the physical punishments, which exacerbated to the children’s bad behaviors more.

A first year high school male, in a month’s of starting school, he’d been truant for more than one hundred periods, the father received the notice from school, and asked the son, the son talked back, the father started, beating on the son.  The son felt upset over being beaten, sued the father for domestic violence, the courts gave the father three months, because of the heavier sentence for abuse of adolescents and children, there’s no way the adult can pay the fines and skip out of time served.  And here’s the problem, would the son, due to his father’s given a prison sentence, never skip school again?  Or, will he feel guilty, that he’d, caused his own father to get sent to prison?  The parent worried that his young might get absorbed by the gangs, or started following the scamming means, become delivery pickup, and, he’d lifted a hand to hit his own son, and received a guilty verdict for assault charge, then, who will take over to discipline the children on behalf of the parents?  The judge?  Police?  Who will be there, to CORRECT the misbehaviors of the children, to teach them, that they need to be responsible for their own, behaviors.

Certainly, the focal point of education should be based off of love, but, for the children who don’t behave in the right ways, if we can’t enforce the needed punishments, we can’t, stop them from continue to misbehave.  It’s just, that the parents are, bound by the law, what are they, to do?

and now…photo from online

There’s the trends of the scam artists, the violent criminals getting younger and younger each and every year, which showed, that if we don’t straighten the children out when they began misbehaving, and punishing them after they did something bad, it would be, too, late.

And so, this is, the result of the ZERO physical punishment law to teach the students right from wrong, and, there’s sometimes the need for the slap on the wrists, to TEACH the younger children right from wrong, besides, they are still young, and, they will, associate the pains from being smacked with their bad behaviors, and then, to avoid the pains of getting smacked, they are going to, NOT do that bad behavior, that’s the most basic of behaviorism, and yet, the government banned the parents from physically disciplining their young, because we are more advanced, we care for children’s rights in this country…

The Year-End Banquet with My Children

Treating yourself, AND the kids to a meal, because you’d worked hard, all year long, taking care of them, and they’d, worked well along with you too!  Translated…

In January, my husband told me, that the year-end banquet of his company is coming, and he won’t be home until past nine, there will be the good foods, performances, as well as a raffle too; in the past few years, I’d had to watch the kids, and I’d become, envious that he got to attend, and so, I’d decided, that on the evening of my husband’s end-of-year banquet at his company, the kids and I will go to a restaurant to dine too, to have a special end-of-year banquet for us.

the year-end banquet hosted by the companies…photo from online

Taking a seven-year-old and a three-year-old on my own out to dine, it was, somewhat, difficult, maintaining order while waiting to get seated, the two young children waiting for me to split up the foods for them, suddenly, someone needs to, go……….and I can only, gulfed down my meals, and only known that I’d, eaten already, and, not much more.  Thankful, I’d recently found a children-friendly restaurant, with the live performances, and the older girls who can become my kids’ playmates in the game room, I get to feed myself first, then, call them out to eat.  And, as we got home, I’d, also held a raffle with my kids, and the surprising yelps, and the joyous laughter filled that night.

“Today is our year-end banquet!  Did you guys have a blast?”, I’d asked my children.  “Yes we had!  But, what’s a year-end banquet?”, the kids questioned.

celebrating with the kids at a restaurant…photo from online

“It’s a gathering that companies held for the hardworking employees through the entire year, mom’s work is taking care of you guys, I think, we’d all worked really hard for the past year, we’re all, amazing, and so, I’d had a year-end banquet, for all of, us, and next year, we will, work well together again, and, have another year-end banquet!”, I’d told them.

“Yay!  Today WAS, fun!  But mom, I think we are amazing EVERY DAY, and we should, reward ourselves, every single day!  We can have many end-of-year-banquets, and not just once a year?”, the kids’ childish words made me laugh, but they seem to, have a, point! So, why must you wait, until a special occasion, to treat yourselves kindly, I mean, everyday should be lived like that, I mean, you’d worked hard, caring for your children, and your work is around the clock, 365 or 366 (depending on if it’s a leap year or not!) days a year, and you DESERVE some special treatment for all of your hard work, and you still don’t have days off like on the weekends or the national holidays when the regular 9-to-5ers are off…

The Importance of Losing at the Starting Lines

The regrets of, a TIGER, mom, with her children, excellent in their work as adults, and all through their, schooling careers too…translated…

The Children’s Hard Work, Stays, Intact, Tightly Linked to the Mothers’ Expectations, How Would They Come to Know, What They Want, Out of Life?

In the gatherings, my friend told me, she’d regretted becoming a tiger mom, she’d sighed, that rather than pushing her kids to win at the starting lines, she’d rather, that they begin, a bit, late.

My friend, the “tiger mom” from when her children were younger, she’d, started them off on an assortment of talent courses.  Both her and her husband were basketball players, naturally, they would NOT miss out on training their children to be, agile.  Based off of tiger mom’s recall, for many years on end, at four in the morn, she’d, gotten her children who are still very young, up, gotten them out, with their eyes, sleepy, in the, darkness.

illustration from UDN.com…to make sure, her kids don’t lose at the starting lines…

Before school, and after school, she’d, insisted that they continued to train in swimming.  The kids lived up to the expectations, won first place in all the competitive events, and, did well academically in school too.

I saw how hard “tiger mom” had worked, I was so impressed with her stamina, and her kids were, really excellent, and it was weird to me how she’d, regretted it all.

My friend started telling me, how she had been diagnosed with cancer, how she’d, battled it, and how all of this, had affected her way of, raising her own, young.  Because she’d weathered through the life-and-death threats in her own life, she’d, worried she may leave them at any given time, she’d had to, run this race with time, and, start, getting her kids, “equipped” with an assortment of skillsets they would need to do well in life, so they’re both able to, grow up strong and independent, in the possibilities of them, not having her with them.  She’d done that successfully, and now, her kids are already grown, and naturally, she should not have, any, regrets.

“I’d jam-packed my children’s childhood, not given them any time to stare into space, or to, daydream at all.”  Tiger mom recalled, to get her kids to have the head start which will guarantee success in their, lives, she’d, rushed her children along, chased after the clock, the schedules, rush, rush, and rush some, more, the children didn’t have time to do their own things.  And now, Tiger Mom is past age fifty, she’d understood, that “leaving the blanks” in her children’s lives, that’s, the most important, thing, if at the start of things, the parents only wanted the children to NOT lose at the starting lines, and continue to maintain victory, then, later on in their lives, they may not, face defeat as, well.”  She’d imagined, that the hard work of her children are completely, tied in with their, living up to her, expectations, how would they possibly know, what they want from their own, lives?

breathing down her kids’, neck, to make sure they do every problem, correct! Photo from online

So, “losing at the starting line”, it’s NOT for the sake of that surprising comeback; nor is it to be able to run the race from start to finish, as the last man laughing wins.  It’s not a matter of winning or losing, but the attitudes of the vales.  Imagine, that a piece of art, it’s focused on leaving the blanks, and not filling the canvas completely, to not divert the attention, it’s more important, than the purpose of the, work of art.  Leaving the spare times, then, you can learn to be at ease; leaving the blanks in life, that way, it gives you time to introspect.  Xun Chiang told, white, “reflecting all the other colors, but, still kept true to, itself.”

My friend wanted to give to her children, wasn’t that “in losing you will find the worth”, but to, NOT pack the life fully cramped.  Allowing the children to, “lose at the starting line”, to NOT control them, to allow the children to have the room to, explore, to allow them to become, who they’re, supposed to be.  Because, accepting everything about her own children, it’s the most, precious gift parents can, give to, their own, young.

The Tiger Mom had, tossed the ideals of winning and losing, stopped defining her children’s successes or failures by their performances, and, it’d helped the younger moms gained the enlightenments, and find the ease of mind.  Or, maybe, the moms needed to “leave the blanks” for themselves too, to not lose their senses of the self in trying to help their children becoming achieved, and to allow oneself, to accept, the imperfections of motherhood, of not needing to, be completely perfect all the, time.

So, this is how, this, PERFECTIONIST mom, reformed her own self, as she’d, held herself and her young, to the extremely high standards, and her children had, achieved all of her, expectations, and yet, something was, amiss, now that she’d, looked back, and it’s the closeness shared between the parent and children, and that can’t be, replaced, and this is a lesson that this parent had, learned, way too, late, because her children are, all, grown!

Being a Hero to My Daughter on This Particular Day

This is, the WRONG thing to tell your older children: give your younger brother or sister the toys they want from you, and I’ll buy you another, because by so-doing, you the STUPID parents are showing, ZERO respect for your children’s ownership of their things, and who is it that said, that we, older kids, should let up our toys to the younger children of our families, or those kids who are younger than we are, who’d come, visiting in our homes, it’s, OUR belongings, and yet, RARELY, ANY adults showed ANY, respect for it, and that’s, just, WRONG!  Translated…

“Do give it to your younger sister for now, when we get to the next vending machine, dad’ll buy you another.”

In the mall, my husband told my daughter to hand the toy inside a shell she got to her younger sister.  My daughter became, unwilling, and the adults around her, are waiting for her to, compromise.  Looking at them, I was taken back to many a year ago, when I was, around the same age as my daughter.

When I was young, I loved the, Barbie dolls with the blonde hair, she had the crown, the high heels, the purses to match, and the fluffy skirt that was crystal blue and glittering, after I’d, longed and expected it for a very long time, finally, at New Year’s, mom bought one for me, and, she’d bought me another that was a black Barbie, with the brown hair, with the golden dress to match, mom thought, that I get to play house on my own.

At this time, dad’s good friend came to visit, with a young daughter about my age, she looked at the two Barbies I had, and became, envious.  Knowing that it was her birthday today, my father told her, without asking me first, “come here child, here are two Barbies, take your, pick of one”.  And that little girl, she’d, immediately selected the one with the blonde hair, my favorite, I started in a panicky voice, that that was, mine, and dad hinted me with his eyes, that I should, not be, so uncourteous, told me, that I had two of them, what’s the big deal, giving one, away to someone?  I’d taken the brown-haired Barbie, wanted to trade with her, but she wouldn’t, let go of my blonde Barbie.

It was, an awkward scene, then, the uncle immediately told his daughter to give me back my Barbie doll, at this time, dad still stated, “that’s fine, kids are like that, it’s all toys, so long as they each, have one.”  And the tears came, rolling down, and naturally, I’d gotten, scolded for a very long time for my, behaviors, on how “uncourteous I’d been”, how “we can get you another”, and the like.

The following day, although mom went out, bought me another, blonde hair Barbie, but that wasn’t, the same one, dad and that little girl, they’d not taken away my blonde hair princess, they’d also, taken away the joys and the respects I had from getting those, gifts from mom.  I’d thought, that this, was something so small in my childhood, until it’d, surfaced, back up again.

I’d, put the toy in the round shell my daughter had inside my purse, and looked at the rest of the adults with my steady gaze, told them, “as there are, other machines, then, you all can, get another for the younger then.” I looked toward my daughter, and she had that “you are my hero” look in her eyes, looking, at, me, I knew, that I’d, helped her protected something precious that was hers, and, I’d, hugged my own childhood self—and now, I finally am able to, protect you, well.

And so, this is the WRONG thing to tell your older children, just because they were older, that does NOT mean, that they have to, give everything their younger siblings want to them, if the toy of whatever is theirs, because you the parents, bought those things FOR your children, then, you got, NO right to tell your kid, give it to your younger sibling, and I’ll buy you a new toy or whatever, because by telling your children to LET up their own things to their younger siblings, you’re showing, absolutely, NO respect for what belonged to your older children, and you aren’t socializing them correctly.

The Connections Between the Older and Younger Generations, Made Possible by the Advancements in Technology

The technological advances, had shortened the distances, but, still, the elderly wanted to have his younger generations nearby, for the physical, face-to-face interactions with them, and that’s only, natural, translated…

My father-in-law is ninety-one, lives with the two of us and our two sons, we enjoyed each other as an extended, family.

That day, as my father-in-law learned, that my second son and his family was about to head off to Australia for vacation for two weeks, he’d suddenly felt upset, stated, that there’s nobody in the house anymore.

It’d broken my heart hearing him say that, I’d immediately tried to make him feel better, “two weeks will go by so fast, besides, I’m here with you!”, seeing how my father-in-law is still upset, I’m guessing, that that’s because my second son and his family live with us, and would be concerned with how my father-in-law is for the day, especially my kindergarten age grandchildren, they would, stay close to my father-in-law, to play coy with him, to give their great grandfather the joys.  And so, I’d told my father-in-law, “we can video chat with them, that way, we can, see Shan-Yo, and Shan-Peng too!”

on grandpa’s “end”…photo from online

As he’d followed my advice, a couple of das when my second son called locally via video phone, I’d immediately handed my cell phone to my father-in-law, as he saw his great grandchildren whom he’d missed a whole lot, he’d, started, crying, and couldn’t speak a word out.  Although the kids called out to their great grandfather, and told him how they’d missed him too, he still couldn’t, respond.  And, my second son and daughter-in-law saw, switched to the casual conversations with him, then he’d begun asking how the weather was over there, that to watch out and be careful when they’re out traveling.  After the call, my father-in-law became, spirited, and it’d felt, more stable on my end too.

I think, the elderly didn’t need anything else, but his younger great grandchildren’s company.  The technology advancements are truly amazing, although, it’d managed to connect my father-in-law in Taiwan with his great grandchildren in Australia, he’d still hoped for their quick return; truth be told, my father-in-law’s missing his great grandchildren, the trials that he experienced, is, equivalent to how they’d been, separated, for a very, long, long time.

on the offspring’s, end…photo fro online

So, this is how close this family of four generations are, the elderly longed for his great grandchildren, and, the only way he gets to see them, because they’re on vacation abroad, is through the video chats, and, these modern day technological advances, surely, does shorten the distances between the family members, but the elder still wanted his offspring to return back, because, nothing beats seeing them, face-to-face, hugging them, hearing them call you, loudly.

Two Worlds, on Parenting Children with Polarized Personality Traits

The different temperaments of our, children, sometimes, it worries, the one who seemed a bit, scatterbrained, but we will learn, to stop worrying so much, because, life will, find a, way…translated…

My eldest daughter loved to learn, and seeks out the challenges, she’d never missed a beat on collecting the reward stamps, reward stickers, gaining the accolades: the speeches, track, table tennis, piano competitions, even the model student lists, she’d given it all she got, she’d accumulated more and more bonus rewards on the card, the certificates of achievements.  Seeing how she’d set her goals on getting more awards, I’d felt that she was a natural-born bounty hunter, after all, being involved in these, wide varieties of competitions, she’d had to put a lot of mind to it, and she’d had to tackle the quizzes, the exams from her academia, she’d still, managed them, very well, she’d balanced her hard labor and leisure activities perfectly, this is, truly amazing from my perspective!  And, there’s the need for her to show that self-discipline, and her maturity which is beyond her years.

children with different temperaments…photo from online

And yet, my second daughter laughed about all of her older sister’s achievements, “what’s the, big deal?”, my younger daughter’s means of survival revolved around living off easy, if she could sit, she wouldn’t stand, if she can lie down, then she wouldn’t, stand, if she didn’t have to work that hard, then, she doesn’t, work hard at all.  When I’d asked what had gone on in her day, there’s always that questioned look, “I forgot”, I’d never seen her textbook once, only the assignment books and her, homework assignments, she’d told me in a relaxed manner, “the teacher said, we can leave the heavy volumes at school, no need for us to haul them back home.”, and after awhile, I’d, given up, “fine, so long as you remember to bring your backpack home, your lunch bags, your water bottle, oh, and you too!”

Born from the same parents, and yet, they’re, completely, diverse, my younger is straightforward, and, when she felt impatient, she’d stated to her classmate, “I don’t want to play with you anymore!”, her older sister felt thrilled for her, “how can you be so uncourteous?  And your classmate is still so nice to you?”, her older sister told her, “you should be kinder, gentler, otherwise, how can you be chosen as a model student!  I was one for………continuing…”, her sister interrupted her, “it doesn’t matter, I already have two best friends!”, her older sister’s eyes trembled, “Two won’t be enough, and, are you sure, that they will both, vote for you when the time comes?”

Once my older needed to write out the text from her memories, I’d sighed about how hard her school life must be, and worried about the future of my younger daughter, “what will happen to you, you seemed to have a shorter attention span than……a goldfish!”, my younger was leisurely, and started, “I’d originally come up with a plan!  Told my teacher I needed to go to the restrooms, and I shall, sneak a peek at my textbooks……….”, as her sister and I’d heard, we were, both, shocked, my never-break-the-rules eldest never cheats, secondly, I’d never taught her to—it seemed, that life will, find its own, way, but, please, do it on the right paths!

Sometimes, I’d worried that my older daughter was under too much stress, and turned to look at my younger, and started worrying that she’s, falling behind in school.  My two kids were, completely, opposites, on one side, there’s, the civilizations, the tribal and the barbaric, I needed a wormhole to meet up with them, both.  And yet, my younger daughter’s “natural way of learning”, it’d, never gone astray, she’d doodled all day long, and, the amazing artwork came out from her fingers, and, she’d read the materials outside of her textbooks, and, enjoyed reading books, and she was just, blessed with a teacher who’d not zoomed in on the scholastic, academic performances, she’d lived on free like that, comic, character.  While my older would always have the instructors, the coaches who knew how to cramp up her life and schedules, and, it’d, decorated her life very much, she’d become, a busy little bee, working hard, and enjoying working hard.

Yang stated once, “the world is our own, it’s nobody else’s.”  or maybe, everything is the best arrangement—the fates gave my children their own personalities, and ways, and taught me to let go of my worries, so I get to, learn and grow with them, to adapt myself in the changes, to feel at ease in the, unknowns, to concentrate, living every moment of my, interesting, life.

And so, this is what these two completely opposite daughters had taught you, to NOT worry about them, to know, that life will, find its own way, and, your daughters will continue to find their own realms, to shine in separately.