Moving on, to the next stages of their lives, individually now, from the therapist’s office…translated…
She’d Told Sorrowfully, Her Boyfriend’s Family Didn’t Like Her at All, and Hinted to Him, that He Needed to be Careful in Selecting Someone He is Going to Marry. They Still Met Up Regularly, and He’d Not Given Her Any Less in Money to Live Off of, but Their Interactions Became without Intimacy, and Business-Like………….
In the first treatment sessions, they’d begun talking about saying goodbye.
The Canary of Feelings
Li-Hwa, with that worried look, started talking about her dying love. During the beginning stages, her boyfriend rented a stay for her, provided for her economically, everything looked like a dream, with the filtered lenses installed. After a few years, the honeymoon phase had passed. “I knew, that he no longer feel any love toward me. But he’d promised he would take care of me, and he’d still, made good on his promises even to this, very, day.”
illustration from UDN.com
She’d told sorrowfully, that her boyfriend’s families didn’t like her, and hinted to him, to be more selective of the woman he is to marry. They’d still met up regularly, and her boyfriend still gave her money to live off of, but, their interactions became without any form of intimacy, like business. Li-Hwa lives on her own, rarely interacted with her own next-of-kin, without a job, or hobbies, the days became, too empty for her, and this relationship was all she had to keep her going, it’s also, the source of her, pains.
“Why doesn’t he just, toughen up and leave me!”, she’d stated, but in her tone of voice, I’d heard, how reliant she was on him.
After several sessions, other than encouraging her to take better care of herself, to get more hobbies she’s interested in going, tried guiding her slowly, “as your love got to where it currently is, how do you feel about that?” “What expectations do you hold for the futures of you two together?”
And yet, Li-Hwa kept feeling sorry for her own self, stated that she couldn’t do anything at all, that all she had was being alive. And in the past, as I’d pressed her on, she’d become, weaker and weaker, and weaker, until she’d finally, lain down flat, “what else am I to do? The fortune-teller told, that I’m destined to be, alone for my whole, life.”
She was like that canary, kept in a, gilded cage, past the prime of her own, life.
That Invisible Foot-Binding Cloth
Shu-Ching had been married for many years, accidentally found out that her husband had an affair, she felt the shock, but, suppressed her own explosive feelings down under, continued to work, to live, and started, losing her sleep every single, night.
“He knew that I’d known”, I her calm tone of voice there’s the hints of anger, “I’d told him, that if we start discussing divorcing, I don’t want ANY assets from him, I just need the clothes on my back, and I’m gone, you know what I mean.”
I was so thrilled, and, started seeing what she was describing to me, I’d felt, frozen, immobilized. She’d not stated it out in the open, but the depth of her pain, and her tough persistent, it’d, shaken me up. And, she’d made me believe, that if she got divorced, she would surely, commit, suicide, this made me, more anxious than ever with her.
Later as I saw her, I’d, kept adjusting my own attitude, to go back to the role of her therapist. And, Shu-Ching started being more able to talk about how she’d felt as her marriage started, falling, apart, “I’d felt so ashamed. Maybe I’m a traditionalist, and wanted a complete, family. My grandmother’s generation still had the feet-binding practices.” That was when it’d hit me, that sense of oppression I’d felt when I started counseling her, was how she’d felt, there was also, that cloth that bound her heart up, tightly, restricting her from living her own, life.
Shu-Ching’s conditions better, in her continually taking the prescription medications, and with the companionship, the social support from her friends and families, and she’d become, less, emotional. “I’m all better now, it’s just, that when I thought about it, I still, cry.” Standing still in engaging her enemy, she’d, carried the marriage, the traditional roles of a woman, and everything she firmly, believed.
The Lion Within
Vicki’s husband is stubborn and traditional, for long, whenever things don’t fit to his liking, he’d started, nagging, incessantly, disregarding how it’d made her feel. As the kids grew up and left home, Vicki had finally had enough, tried to communicate with him on how she’d not felt respected by him enough, hoping to better their, relationship, but her husband couldn’t understand, didn’t think there’s anything to discuss. And they’d argued often in the cycles of anger and disappointment.
“I have a heart of the lion inside, I’m not as gentle and mild as I appear to be on the out.” She’d described her mind to precision, and knew what the problem was, “I want to be my real self, I know to love myself more; but, it’s easier said than done.”
On her husband, she’d told, “he’s a control freak, I’d stopped arguing with him lately, I’d taken, the passive means of attacking! But I’d felt so very, guilty, is it that I don’t have enough, self-confidence?” sometimes, I can’t quite handle all her inquiries, and can only give her the words of support I think may be useful to her, “it takes time to reach personal growth, like how it takes a child to grow, sometimes, you need to pass certain obstacles, to grow up, to mature into, being, take your time.”
client-centered therapy…photo from online
A year came and went, the trials came unexpectedly. She’d gotten into altercation with her husband on remodeling, in the fight, her husband was taken over by anger, and started, fisting the walls, and threatened her verbally; she’d, steadied that earthquake inside of her, came to therapy ahead of schedule, other than the prescriptions, she’s ready for the next step of help she needed.
“It’s time for change…I will move out for a while, then, ask for a divorce. If there’s a need to go to court with him, I’d saved our fights, and, please, record my words in the medical records, doc………”
“My loved ones would come by to accompany me, my coworkers also, connected me to legal counsel.”
In the shock, she’d chosen to FACE the trials of her life, hitting the ball straight on. Her brave heart was like that of a lion, clear and apparent right now.
Saying Goodbye Using Our Own, Ways
As the break up came, all the defense showed.
Li-Hwa still returned to treatment, every now and then, to pour her heart out to me, to speak of how she’d felt, trapped. But the appointments are farther, farther, and farther apart, like she’d, slowly gone into, hiding, until she’d no longer, needed me anymore.
Without any warming, Shu-Ching didn’t show for an appointment, and vanished since. Her not saying goodbye, the reasons had already been, predicted—because this memory is too painful, too shameful for her to tell, she’d left without another word of, deleted it in her, mind.
Vicky had formally, bid farewell to me, “Dr. Fang, we’d shared our affinity, during this period of my life, you’d become, my ‘significant other’. I’m truly grateful to you.”, I couldn’t find my words then, although I’d felt a bit, sad that I won’t see her again, I’d also known, that it was, time for us, to part. She no longer needs me anymore, found her own strength, to keep on moving forward in her life, never looking back again.
After the storms, they marched toward the different paths of life. While I’d, finally come to understand, the meaning of, “fare thee, well”, through the passages of time, after grooming through all those, messy strands of, thoughts, amidst all our, emotions.
So, this is how a therapist feels, when the clients said “Goodbye”, because they’re ready, to start anew, after being treated by you, and, believe it or don’t, you were, an important significant other in all your clients’ lives.
The Ivory Tower of My Mind 