The Importance of Losing at the Starting Lines

The regrets of, a TIGER, mom, with her children, excellent in their work as adults, and all through their, schooling careers too…translated…

The Children’s Hard Work, Stays, Intact, Tightly Linked to the Mothers’ Expectations, How Would They Come to Know, What They Want, Out of Life?

In the gatherings, my friend told me, she’d regretted becoming a tiger mom, she’d sighed, that rather than pushing her kids to win at the starting lines, she’d rather, that they begin, a bit, late.

My friend, the “tiger mom” from when her children were younger, she’d, started them off on an assortment of talent courses.  Both her and her husband were basketball players, naturally, they would NOT miss out on training their children to be, agile.  Based off of tiger mom’s recall, for many years on end, at four in the morn, she’d, gotten her children who are still very young, up, gotten them out, with their eyes, sleepy, in the, darkness.

illustration from UDN.com…to make sure, her kids don’t lose at the starting lines…

Before school, and after school, she’d, insisted that they continued to train in swimming.  The kids lived up to the expectations, won first place in all the competitive events, and, did well academically in school too.

I saw how hard “tiger mom” had worked, I was so impressed with her stamina, and her kids were, really excellent, and it was weird to me how she’d, regretted it all.

My friend started telling me, how she had been diagnosed with cancer, how she’d, battled it, and how all of this, had affected her way of, raising her own, young.  Because she’d weathered through the life-and-death threats in her own life, she’d, worried she may leave them at any given time, she’d had to, run this race with time, and, start, getting her kids, “equipped” with an assortment of skillsets they would need to do well in life, so they’re both able to, grow up strong and independent, in the possibilities of them, not having her with them.  She’d done that successfully, and now, her kids are already grown, and naturally, she should not have, any, regrets.

“I’d jam-packed my children’s childhood, not given them any time to stare into space, or to, daydream at all.”  Tiger mom recalled, to get her kids to have the head start which will guarantee success in their, lives, she’d, rushed her children along, chased after the clock, the schedules, rush, rush, and rush some, more, the children didn’t have time to do their own things.  And now, Tiger Mom is past age fifty, she’d understood, that “leaving the blanks” in her children’s lives, that’s, the most important, thing, if at the start of things, the parents only wanted the children to NOT lose at the starting lines, and continue to maintain victory, then, later on in their lives, they may not, face defeat as, well.”  She’d imagined, that the hard work of her children are completely, tied in with their, living up to her, expectations, how would they possibly know, what they want from their own, lives?

breathing down her kids’, neck, to make sure they do every problem, correct! Photo from online

So, “losing at the starting line”, it’s NOT for the sake of that surprising comeback; nor is it to be able to run the race from start to finish, as the last man laughing wins.  It’s not a matter of winning or losing, but the attitudes of the vales.  Imagine, that a piece of art, it’s focused on leaving the blanks, and not filling the canvas completely, to not divert the attention, it’s more important, than the purpose of the, work of art.  Leaving the spare times, then, you can learn to be at ease; leaving the blanks in life, that way, it gives you time to introspect.  Xun Chiang told, white, “reflecting all the other colors, but, still kept true to, itself.”

My friend wanted to give to her children, wasn’t that “in losing you will find the worth”, but to, NOT pack the life fully cramped.  Allowing the children to, “lose at the starting line”, to NOT control them, to allow the children to have the room to, explore, to allow them to become, who they’re, supposed to be.  Because, accepting everything about her own children, it’s the most, precious gift parents can, give to, their own, young.

The Tiger Mom had, tossed the ideals of winning and losing, stopped defining her children’s successes or failures by their performances, and, it’d helped the younger moms gained the enlightenments, and find the ease of mind.  Or, maybe, the moms needed to “leave the blanks” for themselves too, to not lose their senses of the self in trying to help their children becoming achieved, and to allow oneself, to accept, the imperfections of motherhood, of not needing to, be completely perfect all the, time.

So, this is how, this, PERFECTIONIST mom, reformed her own self, as she’d, held herself and her young, to the extremely high standards, and her children had, achieved all of her, expectations, and yet, something was, amiss, now that she’d, looked back, and it’s the closeness shared between the parent and children, and that can’t be, replaced, and this is a lesson that this parent had, learned, way too, late, because her children are, all, grown!