The Love that They Both Needed

On not placing one’s elders in a nursing home, the considerations from the offspring, and what the offspring observed and realized about the interactions of his, elderly grandparents, translated…

I’d, once talked back to my grandmother, “Wouldn’t it be easier for all of us, if grandpa get placed in a nursing home?”

Certainly, under the logic, this may have been, the, best, option, but is it, really, so?  My grandfather’s dementia had already progressed to him losing all his abilities, seeing how my grandmother would from time to time, get too annoyed, and started yelling at him, I’d felt, a bit, awful.  And, this feeling wasn’t only for my grandfather, but also for my grandmother, as the primary caretaker; we’d worried, that she might not be able to handle the caretaking responsibilities on her own, and fall down, besides, the care that grandpa would get at the nursing home would be provided by trained professionals, but in the end, she’d still, selected to have my grandfather with her, to look, after him.

offering the needed social, emotional support for her elderly husband…

photo from online

“Do you want a hug?”, my dad would always joke with my grandfather after work, this was ordinary at home, and, my grandfather’s cussing my father out, mixed with my father’s, laughter, became the most frequently heard at home.  Grandma had also considered hiring a foreign nurse’s aide too, but worried, that the caretaker wouldn’t do the job correctly, and still took care of my grandfather on her own.

“You know, if we sent grandpa into a nursing home, grandma would feel ill-at-ease.” Dad told me.  Until today, as I’d accompanied them to the hospital, seeing how my grandfather looked for my grandmother everywhere, then, I’d realized, that their relationship wasn’t just, one-way, that they’d needed one another’s company.  Or maybe, this sort of a companionship, is what fitted the two of them, the, best.  And I’d finally come to understand, that as an offspring, in facing the trials of caretaking, we’d needed more empathy, and not that much, decisiveness.

And so, this, is how the Asian families do it, because we can’t bear the thought of our elderly loved ones, get placed in a nursing home, and looked after by strangers, but sometimes, this would be, the best options, especially in these dual-income families, when the younger generations had to work their nine-to-fives, and the sole caretaker became the spouse of the elderly who is in capable of caring for her/himself, but, in this particular case, the elderly woman is, more than capable, of providing the needed care for her husband, and they’re, companions for life!