The Etude of, Death

As life nears end, how do you, want to, go???  Translated…

After reading the article, “To Let Go or Not?” by Chen on the papers on April 21^st, I can totally empathize with the writer that “those who wanted to keep mom alive, can’t bear to lose her; and those who can’t see her suffer anymore, don’t want her to live in, pain”, I’m certain, that if the loved ones are in critical condition, and if the families didn’t talk about the DNR, it would be, next to impossible for the members of the family to reach a consensus, after all, this is not, as simple as a true or false.

“Do we resuscitate, or do we, let go?”, this is such a difficult question to answer, because every patient’s age, condition before the necessity of resuscitation measure, and economic statuses are all, different, it’s hard to have a one-size-fits-all answer; but, if everybody can have a clear idea of one’s own final affairs, whether or not to get resuscitated, and tell the loved ones, and when the moments come, at least, the family would not argue on the matter, because they can’t reach a consensus.

and this is, the MOST IMPORTANT DOCUMENT we will, EVER, sign…photo from online

My mother-in-law in March due to heart failure, was hospitalized, and only through surgical means, will it change the problem of her heart not pumping enough blood, to get her more oxygen, and yet, she’s already, elderly, two years ago, she’d been saved from death, as she had the stents in her heart planted in, this time, she’d told us she didn’t want to go under the knife again.  My mother-in-law is still conscious, but can no longer, live without the respirators, and she’d needed the antidiuretic injections frequently.

The surgeons asked if when my mother-in-law is in critical condition, do we want to resuscitate, to have the medical professionals perform C.P.R., to intubate, to get her a shot of adrenaline to her heart…………two years ago, my mother-in-law already signed her own “decision for her medical care provisions”, and we’d, confirmed it with her this time again, she’d told us, she is already ninety-two, she’s lived her full life, and didn’t want to live out the rest of her time in a sickbed, that everything should go by nature.

Two years ago, as the hospital gave us the critical conditions notice for her, and miraculously she’d, recovered, and a month out of the hospital, she could move around on her own.  And for this whole past year, my husband’s been, bullshitting with my mother-in-law for their time together, and as she was hospitalized again, we are all, prepared, my husband would jokingly ask her, “did Buddha come for you last night?” my second eldest sister-in-law chimed in, “if he comes for you, do go with him, there’s going to be, that light1”. While my third eldest was with a straight face, although she knew what her mother wanted, but still felt upset over how her second eldest sister and  youngest brother’s means of joking with my mother-in-law on such serious, matters.

These few years, my mother-in-law’s conditions worsened, and my husband often chatted with her on the matters of life and death, few years ago, both my husband and I signed our own terminal decision, and as my mother-in-law learned that we had, she’d inquired about it, and signed her own terminal decision of care two years ago herself.  She’d told her will to every one of her children, and so, this time she was hospitalized, and didn’t have any appetite, the doctors asked if she wanted to get the feeding tubes into  her, my mother-in-law told them again, she wanted to die naturally.  I’d once heard from a relative that her mother was starved to death, because her older sister-in-law didn’t take her mother to get the injections of the nutrition she’d needed; the daughter-in-law who’d cared for her mother-in-law for over decade’s time, how upset she would feel, if she heard the bad reputation that was, forced onto her.

I’m grateful for my mother-in-law, to save the difficulties from us, she’d planned ahead, made the decision by herself.  On the morning that she passed, after the formula was given to her at the hospital, she’d told us she wanted to take a nap, then, she’d, passed away peacefully, in her, sleep.  We are all, sad, but, we don’t feel, any regrets, or loss!

And so, this is on the importance of dying with dignity, and, not all of us are allowed to have that, because, these days, the medical advances is good for keeping people alive, but without the awareness of how keeping someone alive for a long, long time, means that the quality of life drops, considerable, and, this also points out the necessity for a D.N.R. to be signed by the individuals who are, aging, because unless you want the tubes in and out of your body, as you worked really hard, not to, swallow down your, final breaths…